CHAPTER 2 | SUMMER 2003 (PART II)
"You coming to bed?"
For the first time in a very long time, probably since I was eight or so, my father and I would be sharing a bed. Except this time he was lying there stark naked.
It was definitely a different side of my dad I was seeing this weekend. He and his friends were all over one another, hugging, sitting next to each other and cuddling, swimming naked together. It was not behavior I was used to seeing from grown men (or even little boys, always discouraged from being too affectionate). It was as if this cabin, these trips, were their safe space where they could do anything.
I'd seen my father naked earlier by the lake, but that was mostly his backside. Seeing him lie still in bed now, I took in his grown body; his chest and his belly, his plump dick and large balls in between his thick, hairy thighs. I didn't mean to stare and I have no idea how long I looked at him for, maybe only a second, but it was enough. As for him, if he'd noticed me looking, he made no effort to cover up or act modest.
Then, I snapped out of it. I realized that I was standing in front of my dad in nothing but a pair of tight boxer briefs, and if I stayed like this much longer I would start to get hard. I quickly looked away and got in bed next to him, pulling up the blanket.
"Good night," I said, relieved when he switched off the light a second later. I slowly reached down for my dick and felt it half-hard. It didn't take a lot to get me hard these days, but I was beyond embarrassed to have it happen in front of my dad.
As I lost my vision to the darkness, I could feel his presence right next to me with all my other senses. His body radiated a heat that attracted me, and tempted me to wrap my whole body around his for comfort. I tried thinking of anything else but that, breathing deeply, and doing my best to fall asleep.
It was pointless. I could hear dad snoring softly within minutes, but I felt restless, even after all the booze. My thoughts weren't sexual (at least not intentionally) but still my dick wouldn't go down. Normally I would rub one off right about now, but that wasn't an option with Dad in bed next to me. Why was I so horny, anyway?
I tossed and turned for what must've been an hour, when I unintentionally woke Dad up.
"What's wrong?" he asked in the dark.
"Nothing. Can't sleep."
He didn't reply. A couple of seconds later, he shuffled in bed, moving closer to me and hugging me from behind, putting one arm around me.
"Go to sleep," he mumbled. Seconds later, he was snoring again.
His action did several things. One, it made my dick jump up to full mast. Two, it made my heart beat faster. But then, as I tried desperately to relax, all of a sudden I started to feel... calm. It felt nice, having someone's arm around me. Especially Dad's strong, hairy arm. I started to stroke it for a few minutes, as if it were a pet. I felt his warm chest pressed up against my back. My heartbeat slowed, and I started to doze off. My dick remained hard the entire time, though.
I woke up early the next morning, woken by my dad's loud snoring. My head hurt, and I didn't know what to do but get up and look for some aspirin.
I looked at Dad sprawled out on the bed, taking up three-quarters of it, sleeping with his mouth open. It felt weirdly endearing seeing him like this.
I went to the bathroom, pissed, and looked for some medicine. Nothing. I didn't want to wake Dad up to ask if he brought any, so I went out to look for some in the kitchen.
In the upstairs hallway, one of the two other bedroom doors was closed but the last one was left wide open. I peeked in. One of the beds was empty. On the other one, Mark slept naked with the cover kicked off. I hadn't seen him naked yesterday, and as always when I saw someone naked for the first time my eyes shot straight for his dick. It was hairy, and he must've been having a good dream because it looked bigger than your average dick. Even though I thought of him as a guy who always talked work and politics, I remembered how yesterday he kept stirring the conversation toward sex.
I walked down the creaky staircase to the kitchen. It was barely past six but the room was filled with light. The sound of birds chirping came from outside. I'd found it cute last night, but now with my headache I found it annoying.
I looked through the cabinets but there was no medicine anywhere. I had a glass of water. There was a dirty coffee mug left next to the sink. I had some more water, then went out the back to investigate.
The fresh air hit me like a tidal wave as soon as I opened the door. The sunshine beckoned me forward, and I stepped out barefoot onto the back porch. The wood felt warm on the soles of my feet. Standing there in my underwear, the temperature was perfect as the cool night turned into another hot day.
I wasn't a person who stood still to stare at nature a lot, but I stayed that way for a few minutes, feeling the smell of the flowers, and looking out at the forest and the lake. Other than the occasional squirrel, there was no one there.
I decided to walk to the lake, mostly cuz I had nothing better to do other than that or go back to bed. I looked around for my flip flops but couldn't see them so I headed to the lake barefoot.
When I got there, I noticed our clothes from yesterday. Dad and I never picked them up. My boxer briefs lay on the grass right next to Dad's boxers. I picked up the boxers, and without much thinking put them to my face, taking a big whiff. I went for a walk around the lake, boxers in hand.
When I got to the other side, I realized I wasn't the only one there after all. C.J. lay on the grass on his back, naked, eyes closed, soaking up the sun. I looked at his flaccid cock and there's no other way to describe it but enormous. It was also completely shaved, which struck me as weird at the time.
I coughed loudly to alert him of my presence.
"Owen, my man!" he said, squinting and using his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "Good morning."
"Morning," I said, taking a few steps closer.
"How you doing?"
"I'm alright. Bit of a headache after last night. Do you have any aspirin?"
"You don't need pills for everything. C'mere, lie down, breathe. You'll feel better."
"Isn't that uncomfortable?" I looked at the leaves and twigs on the ground. "I could go get us some towels or blankets from the cabin."
"Shush. C'mon," he patted the grass next to him.
Oh well, I figured, and went to lie down.
"Better?" he asked a couple of minutes later.
"Yes," I admitted. My headache wasn't completely gone, but I did feel better.
We lay quiet for a bit longer. "How're you liking it here?" he asked after a while.
"It's okay. I'm just... getting used to being here with you guys."
"Ha. Do we need that much getting used to?" he laughed.
"No, I just meant like, you all seem different when you're here."
"Different how?" he asked, squinting my way, even though I'm sure he knew exactly what I meant.
"You're just like all... touchy-feely with each other."
"And is that a bad thing?"
"I guess not. Just feels a bit weird, that's all."
"The world don't wanna see men hugging or holding hands, or being tender to each other," he said, eyes closed. "So we come here to do that."
I didn't know how to respond so we lay in silence for a while longer.
"Did you sleep okay?" I asked after a couple of minutes in an attempt to break the silence because it felt uncomfortable to me.
"Like a baby. You?"
"Yeah," I said. "Had to share a bed with Dad. We haven't done that since god knows when."
"That's too bad. I ain't never met my dad. But I think it's important for fathers and sons to bond."
"I guess so," I mumbled.
"Was it uncomfortable?"
"No, it was okay. Just... weird."
"You use that word a lot, weird," C.J. squinted my way. "What are you so worried about?"
"I don't know. I guess I'm just worried that if I'm weird, people will make fun of me."
"Oh, they'll make fun of you alright. And know what? Fuck em!"
I laughed, and C.J. ruffled my hair.
"You're what, 16? A lot of pressure on you, now more than ever. Just don't worry too much about what other people think. If you wanna do something, just go for it."
We stopped talking and lay in silence again. This time, I felt more comfortable with the silence. My headache was almost completely gone. The ground didn't feel that uncomfortable on my back anymore.
C.J. pulled out a blunt from the pocket of his jeans that lay on the grass beside him.
"Want some?" he offered it to me after lighting it and taking a toke.
"First thing in the morning?" I laughed.
"Wake and bake, baby," he smiled at me.
We smoked and didn't speak. I looked at the clear blue sky over us. C.J.'s eyes were closed. I noticed him start to gently stroke his skin with his fingertips, on his arms, his chest, and down his belly. I looked at his pierced nipple, and the six-pack that would appear when his stomach flattened. His fingers kept going down and getting dangerously close to his dick. If he had pubes, he would be running his fingers through them by now.
I licked my lips and looked around, weary of someone else looking. I knew I shouldn't stare, but I never got the chance to be this close to a naked man. Sure, I'd occasionally see guys naked in locker rooms, but that was always so quick. I wanted to see a man naked like this, and soak it in. I wanted to do more, even. Touch him.
"If you wanna do something, just go for it," C.J.'s own words echoed in my head.
I don't know if it was the pot, or this place's weird ability to make men lose their inhibitions, but I reached over and touched C.J.'s lower belly. At first it was just my fingertips, then my whole fingers, then my whole hand. I let it caress him and go down an inch or two.
Then, overcome by shame to continue, I quickly withdrew it.
C.J. never opened his eyes or said anything. He just took my hand in his, fingers intertwined, and gave it a firm squeeze.
"That's okay," he said. "You can keep going if you want."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Yes, of course I wanted to! I reached over again, maybe too eagerly, and put my hand between his belly button and his dick.
I kept going down little by little. Soon enough, his balls were in my hand. I gave them a gentle squeeze, and his dick started to stir.
He was getting hard. He was enjoying this as well.
I put my hand around his dick and gripped it tightly. I had so much practice with my own dick in my hand, but I'd never felt another person's. It was as if I could feel C.J.'s energy through it. He got harder, and I started stroking him faster and faster.
As I did that, C.J.'s hand reached inside my underwear and squeezed one of my ass cheeks. I quickly got rid of my undies, and went back to jerking him off as he played with my ass. It felt amazing, having someone do this to me for the first time.
His long fingers found their way closer and closer to my hole. I took a deep breath as I felt a finger push up on it.
"Is that okay?" he asked quietly.
He continued to play with my hole, something I had never done myself.
"How does that feel?" he asked, putting a second finger in my hole and playing with it more aggressively.
"I... I like it," I answered truthfully.
"Do you want more?"
Somehow, I knew what he was referring to. I turned around until I was lying on my stomach, poking my ass in the air.
"Are you sure? he asked again, stroking his dick which was already leaking precum.
"Yes." I wanted to know what it was like.
For years now, I'd been looking at men more intently than women. I always found ways to convince myself that this is "normal," nothing more than curiosity. I couldn't bear the idea of being gay. For other people, sure, I didn't mind. But surely not me?
But as my guy friends started to have sex and brag about it, I felt more and more like I couldn't get myself to do it with a girl. I was always more curious to play with other guys.
Now, here, at this cabin, everything seemed to be okay. Even my dad, who was super straight, hung out naked and cuddled with his buddies. If I let C.J. do this, that would mean I'm gay, at least to me in my head. And for the first time, I wanted that clarity. I wanted to stop hesitating.
I felt C.J. mark my hole with his precum as soon as he pressed the tip of his dick against it. I took a deep breath and bit my lower lip as he started to go in.
I was grateful for the weed, and certain this would've hurt a lot more without it. I could barely take it, but I was determined to keep trying. I felt C.J. pull out for a second, heard him spit, then go back in. I breathed deeply. The smell of nature was intense, and for a split second it made me forget what was happening to my ass. As my muscles started to relax, I felt all of C.J.'s dick in me, as he started to pump back and forth.
"Is that it? Is that it, are you in?" I asked euphorically, as if checking if I'd won a race.
"All in, baby," he said and started to fuck harder.
"Oh, fuck. Fuck, I did it!" I laughed. The sense of pride helped turn the pain to pleasure, and I enjoyed getting pounded by my dad's friend, who went harder and faster by the minute.
We sweat in the sun like we were running a marathon. The scent of our bodies mixed with the smell of nature all around us. The lake right in front of us looked peaceful and serene. As I was getting fucked, I started to moan and scream out in pleasure, louder and louder, with more and more confidence. I enjoyed being in nature and able to let go!
My dick was by now fully hard as well. I tried playing with it while C.J. was fucking me, but found it hard to focus on both things at once. Still, the pleasure I was getting felt like it couldn't be topped by anything.
C.J. fucked me until we were both absolutely exhausted. Then, I felt him pull out and jump up to his feet.
We were in silent agreement. He was gonna jerk himself off to cum on my face, and I'm gonna try to cum at the same time.
It took us less than a minute of stroking our dicks like this. Soon enough. C.J. started to shoot his cum, marking both sides of my face. I opened my mouth wide and tried to catch some of it with my tongue. At the same time, I started to cum on the grass I was kneeling on. It was my most intense orgasm to date, making me too weak to kneel. I passed out on the grass as soon as we were both done shooting our loads.
C.J. lay next to me and put his arm around me. I still had his jizz running down my face. Then, I noticed Dad's boxers that I had brought all the way here with me. I reached over and wiped my face with them, passing them to C.J. to wipe his dick.
"Phew. I'm gonna go take a shower," he announced after a few minutes. "You coming?"
"You know what, I think I'll take a dip instead," I looked at the lake.
"Kay. I'll see you in a bit," he said and passed me back the boxers. "We ruined your underwear," he chuckled.
"Oh they're not mine. They're Dad's."
"Ha! Well then, make sure you give em back to him!" he winked.
He took his clothes and headed back to the cabin. I lay for a while longer, enjoying the scene. It wasn't until ten minutes later that I realized I'd been smiling the entire time. I got up and jumped in the lake. And for the first time, I felt like I could say it and be at peace with it: I was gay.
The rest of the weekend was magnificent. The six of us swam, we barbecued, we drank and smoked together. We watched TV sitting next to each other on the couch shirtless or even naked. That night, I got fully naked before getting in bed with Dad. Neither of us said anything about it, but we spent the night cuddled up. I woke up in the morning with my dick as hard as a rock, and went to the bathroom to rub one off before Dad woke up.
Conversations about sex and jerking off happened all the time. It was during one of those convos I learned my father jerked off every day, on his lunch break, in the office bathroom, to relax before going back to work. It was funny, because I did the same at school sometimes.
I saw C.J. and Dad talking alone a couple of times. Every time they looked at me, I wondered if C.J. was telling him what'd happened. C.J. and I never talked about it, and I was pretty sure he never told my dad because Dad never asked me about it either.
On our drive home, he asked, "So do you remember the rules of our trip?"
"What happens in the cabin stays in the cabin," I said, smiling.
"Yes. No need to talk about it at home. So if there's something you wanna tell me, come out with it now."
I looked out the window.
"No. Nothing," I replied.
Dad kept his eyes on the road. We drove in silence for a little while.
"Owen, I know," he said all of a sudden.
I felt panic all over my body. My stomach, my chest, my head.
"Know what?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
"About you and C.J. About my disappearing pair of underwear," he chuckled.
I couldn't speak. I tried to swallow, but I was unable to.
"It's okay," Dad said, putting his right hand on my knee. "I'm not upset. About anything."
"Dad? I think I'm probably gay," I finally said after five minutes of driving in silence, Dad's hand still on my leg.
"That's okay. If you wanna talk about it, I'm here. Otherwise, everything's okay as far as I'm concerned.
He gave my knee a squeeze and I had to use all my power not to start crying. Try as I might, a couple of tears ran down my face.
"Dad? Thank you for bringing me," I said.
"No problem, son."
"Do you... Do you think I could come again next year?"
"We'll see, son," he smiled at me.
I did go back the following year, and every year after that until I moved away from home. It was during our trip the following year that I finally got to fuck another guy, another first for me. But that's a whole 'nother story.