It was one hell of a winter, starting with all the trauma that Richard's accident caused. Yet somehow, throughout it all, there was a silver lining.
I'd never admitted it to anyone (hell, not even to myself!) how lonely I'd been feeling since the divorce. When my brother moved in with me, I thought it'd all be one royal pain in the ass. Still, I felt obligated to take him in, to be the good big brother, the hero. To "save him." I had no idea he'd be saving me just as much.
Having Richie around meant kicking a lot of my unhealthy habits. Since he couldn't drink, I got rid of the liquor and I never drank at home anymore. I went from drinking seven days a week to once or twice, usually when I took Kimi out on a date. I also started watching a lot less porn! I gave myself time to build up a load in my balls, and whenever I had an orgasm now it felt so much stronger and satisfying.
I would say my brother was the perfect houseguest, except he didn't feel like a guest anymore after several months together. I've heard people refer to winter as "cuffing season"; the time of year when people tend to couple up because they don't want to be alone. Richard and I definitely provided companionship for each other. One day, he surprised me by buying a brand-new gaming console.
"But I don't play video games."
"Neither do I," Richie said, "but doesn't mean we can't start again. Like when we were little, remember?"
I smiled, looking at the glossy new console.
"Sure looks nicer than our old Nintendo. Bet I can still kick your ass!"
And just like that, we were two boys again, trying to figure out how to use the console and going straight into competitive mode. We played games almost every night, or watched TV together, cuddled up on the couch. Almost like an actual couple.
Now that we were adults, a lot of the reservations and embarrassment that we felt as kids no longer plagued us. "Boys will be boys," we'd started to joke every time we walked in on each other jerking off or walking around naked. It didn't happen too often at first, but the walls between us started to fall. After a while, we hardly ever wore anything but our underwear around the house. As the temperatures dropped we kept the apartment nice and toasty, and we watched movies or played video games sitting next to each other in our boxers or sometimes naked.
It was also nice to have someone take care of the "wifely" duties at home, something I'd never learned to do by myself. That is, until Richard recovered enough to go back to work. Since his license was still suspended, I drove him to and from work every day.
"You know what this reminds me of?" my brother said one morning, looking out the window as I drove. It was early, and all of Chicago was still enveloped in semi-darkness.
"Dad driving us to school when we were little," he said nostalgically.
"I see you're wearing the watch he gave you," I noted. My brother and I had each gotten a nice watch from our dad when we graduated high school. I often wore mine, but I don't remember seeing Richie don his too often.
"Yeah. I used to save it for special occasions," he smiled, looking at his wrist. "Then after the accident… I guess I realized life is short. Every day is a special occasion."
Keeping one hand on the wheel, I put my right hand on the back of my brother's neck and started stroking it. Richie closed his eyes and enjoyed the bodily contact, purring like a cat. I kept my hand there, caressing him until we'd reached his office.
Who knew it would take a life-threatening accident to turn my life around? I guess things get worse before they get better, indeed.
The 12-step meetings I was going to worked wonders for me, even though I still hadn't gotten a sponsor and actually started doing the steps. Just being in the same room as people who were dealing with the same issues made me feel less alone; and it was always that sense of isolation that was the most destructive.
The meetings took place in the basement of a Catholic church, which was a throwback to my childhood. Sometimes, I'd walk the pews while the church was empty, just contemplating. This place was probably the biggest reason for all of my gay shame growing up, and by extension, my lack of confidence. Now, in 2020, there was a sign for "LGBT-friendly mass" on the noticeboard. I smiled and took a picture of it. "Maybe I'll check it out some day," I thought.
In addition to the AA meetings, I continued to see Dr. Martinez every week. Right before our first session in January, I stared at the outside of his door at the spot where I had cum while eavesdropping on him getting fucked by another one of his clients. As soon as I was in, however, and we'd started dwelling on my psyche, those thoughts went out the window. Funnily enough, instead of making my relationship with Dr. Martinez more complicated, what I'd witnessed made it… easier.
I'd always been jealous of my therapist's life. I lusted after him and his husband, mostly out of envy. Recently, I'd gotten a real lesson of "not all that glitters." Knowing their marriage was far from perfect made me less jealous, and more focused on my own shit. And I still had plenty of shit I needed to figure out, mostly revolving around my older brother.
Patrick and I continued to get closer and more relaxed with each other, and I was thrilled about that. What I'd wanted all these decades was for the two of us to be best friends again, like before our sister's untimely death. I'd finally gotten my wish! We spent a great deal of time together now, playing games, having dinner together, even sharing a bed at times! As happy as I was about all of this, it was also a source of confusion.
"I… I'm turned on by my brother," I admitted to Dr. Martinez one Wednesday afternoon. "Now that we're comfortable around each other, I see him naked quite often. We talk about sex or jerking off, and to him it's always a joke. He's straight, so he doesn't have the same problem I have."
"You mentioned you'd masturbated side-by-side a couple of times," Dr. Martinez tried to sound as professional as possible.
"Yes. Each time he was the one instigating it. It may've been no big deal to him, but to me… it left me wanting more."
Little did I know, I'd get a lot more that very evening.
"I'm having dinner with Kimi tonight. Take a cab home, and don't wait up."
I put my phone down on my desk at the office after reading the text, trying not to feel too disappointed (but failing at it). I knew I was being possessive, but I'd already planned an evening with my brother. A few hours later, when I was home alone, I found it a lot more challenging to stay sober with no one there to distract me.
Luckily, Patrick didn't stay up as late as he'd anticipated. He was back by 9:30 and I was still wide awake. I smelled some whiskey on his breath, which made me want to kiss him so I could feel the taste.
"How's Kimi?" I asked casually, sitting in front of the TV in my briefs.
"Good, good…" Patrick replied, taking his clothes off. I couldn't tell if he was distracted, or something was off.
"Wanna watch a movie? Or finish off the game from yesterday?" I asked, sounding like a kid begging for attention.
"Sure, a movie's fine," he said, now down to his underwear himself. He was still barely paying attention to me, unlike me: I could barely take my eyes off his burly body.
I picked a movie I thought Patrick would like, an action flick that was easy to follow. He seemed tuned out, but I didn't want to pry so I kept my questions to myself. Twenty minutes into the movie, the hero met the gorgeous woman he'd inevitably start flirting with. Even the presence of a beautiful girl on screen wasn't enough to get Patrick to focus.
"You okay?" I finally asked. "Anything you wanna talk about?"
"Nah… No. I want to jerk off."
I was stunned to hear him being so direct. I realized he wasn't joking.
"Oh. Okay, haha. I'll leave you to it," I said awkwardly, getting ready to let him have the room to himself.
"No. I wanna do it together."
This just kept getting crazier.
"Patrick, what're you on about?"
"Nothing! I wanna jerk off and I want some company. What, don't tell me that you're not horny at all?"
I looked at my brother, sitting next to me nearly naked, his balls almost poking out of the leg of his boxer shorts. Of course I was horny! But is this what we're doing now?
"C'mon, stop fucking around," I said incredulously, but my cock was already chubbing up inside my briefs.
Patrick didn't bother talking me into it. He just reached for his phone, connected it to the TV, and next thing I know there was a naked threesome on screen, a woman and two men, all taking turns kissing each other.
"There, some bi porn to compromise," Patrick winked at me. We'd done this before, back when Patrick insisted we measure and compare our cocks. But still, I couldn't believe this was really happening.
I sat back and watched the video, as if I were paying attention. In reality, I kept looking out the corner of my eye to catch a glimpse of my brother. He focused on the screen for a while, rubbing his junk through his cotton underwear. After a few minutes, he started to chub up as well so he pulled out his cock, spreading his legs open and bumping into me in the process.
The sensation of my brother's leg hair rubbing against mine sent shivers up and down my entire body. My own cock was harder by the second, and I had to get rid of my underwear as well. A minute later, I was at my full nine inches.
"Lucky bastard," my brother noted. He still couldn't get over the fact I was bigger than him. "I'll go get some lube."
I watched my older brother as he got off the couch and headed to his bedroom, his furry ass flexing as he walked. He came back, dick a-swingin', holding the bottle of lube that he usually kept on his nightstand.
He sat back next to me and pumped some lube in his hand, before rubbing it all over his boner. "There," he offered it to me next, holding the bottle and pumping it in my hand like a dad giving his son hand sanitizer.
I lubed up and started stroking, making peace with the fact that this was really happening. This was not helping my sexual obsession with my brother, but hey, at least it was hot in the process.
We stayed on the couch, legs rubbing against each other, pumping our cocks. I looked over at my older brother's crotch as often as I could, hoping I wasn't being too obvious. The three porn stars on screen were all sexy as fuck, but they were nothing compared to how I felt about my own brother.
"That's okay, you can look," Patrick said casually after a few minutes of side-by-side masturbation. "I don't mind."
"It's just… the real thing's more interesting than the screen," I tried to play it off and sound as non-pervy as possible.
"Don't sweat it. I'm actually flattered," he smirked, his usual cocky self.
"You are?" I asked over the smacking sounds of our lubed-up dicks being stroked.
"I am. I mean, you got that giant schlong and you're still interested in my thing."
"Shut up. I'm hardly a giant. And you… Your cock is very nice," I tried to compliment him as matter-of-factly as possible.
We kept going. I was dripping precum all over the shaft of my penis by now, and a look over at Patrick let me know that he was doing the same thing.
"Remember the time we shared a bed a while ago," he said, "and I thought you were asleep so I started jerking off? And you ended up… swallowing my cum?"
Did I remember?! I could still feel the taste in my mouth when I closed my eyes, and used the memory to jerk off frequently.
"I do," I nodded. Next thing, my brother used his thumb to wipe off a particularly large drop of precum off his cock, and he put his finger in my face.
Looking at him in the eyes, I parted my lips and let him put his finger in my mouth. I licked and sucked off the precum that was there, and Patrick left his finger in my mouth for a few more seconds, never breaking eye contact.
"Thank you," I said. I was now so close to the edge that I was slowing down my strokes so I wouldn't cum just yet.
"You're welcome. Can– Can I ask you something?
"Aha," I nodded, wondering what might come next.
"Can I… jerk you off?"
I remained quiet, until my brother spoke again.
"I wanna… know what it's like," he said, already reaching over with his right hand. "I've– I've never done it before."
Before the words were out his mouth, his hand was already wrapped around my shaft. I let go of my own cock, allowing my brother to take over.
Patrick's eyes wandered up and down, from my face to my crotch.
"This okay?" he asked like a teenager doing something for the first time. It was sweet, hearing my brother sound a tad insecure.
"Aha," I replied, doing my best to control myself and not bust a nut just yet.
"Not too fast?"
"You can go slower," I instructed him, and felt him slow down the pace. Bolts of pleasure went through my entire body, making me spasm and curl my toes.
"Patrick…" I moaned. "Patty…"
"It's kinda different when you do it to someone else. You can't tell how they're feeling."
"Oh, that feels good! Trust me, that feels good!"
It had been months since another man touched my cock. To have my brother, of all people, doing it right now, was more that I could dream of.
Patrick switched hands, probably growing tired after doing it for several minutes. He switched back and forth a few times, jerking himself off with his other hand at times, but mostly focusing on me.
"Mmm!" I moaned, lifting my ass off the couch.
"Not yet. Keep going."
My brother slowed down, pleasing me for a few more minutes before speeding up again.
"It's funny. I can kinda feel it now. Like, I can kind of feel you're about to cum," he said.
"Keep going. Just keep going!" I panted, taking over the role of the bossy one this time.
Patrick wrapped his right hand around my cock again and really started to go to town. His left hand was stroking his six incher at the same time. I couldn't believe my straight brother was doing this!
"Fuck, Patty!" I let out one last moan and started to shoot my load all over my brother's hand and my stomach.
"There ya go, bro. C'mon, let it out! There ya go," Patrick encouraged me, then he started panting himself. I looked at his cock and realized he was cumming all over his hairy leg himself.
"FUCK!" I screamed loudly, only for him to yell out the same thing. We cussed and came at the same time, my big brother taking care of both of us.
"Okay, okay, okay, you can slow down," I started to wiggle a minute or two later. My brother was still milking my cock and as good as it felt, I was starting to get too sensitive.
Patrick finally let go of me, and I passed out on the couch, exhaling deeply. The room felt like a sauna at this point.
My brother got up and calmly walked to the windows. He opened the balcony door, an immediate rush of cold air blowing into the room. When he came back to the couch, Patrick passed out on top of me.
"Thank you," he said, as if I was the one who had just done him a favor.
"Hey. It's what brothers do," I laughed.