OCTOBER 2015 | RORY:
"Hey, big bro!" I said, picking up the phone.
"Who says 'big bro,' what's wrong with you?" my brother Taylor said on the other side of the line.
"Sorry, it's a joke between my roommate and me," I explained. "We call each other 'big bro' and 'little bro.'"
"Aww. Do you also call him by my name, because of how much you miss me?"
"Precisely. And I cry in his arms every day, thinking about you."
"How sweet. So, how's college, little bro?"
"So far so good, but it's only been a month so let me not jinx it. People are nice. I really lucked out with my suitemates and roommate."
"Yeah, you guys get along?"
"Oh, perfectly. Feels like I got three brothers here. Plus, it helped that you and I shared a room before you went to New York. I'm used to sharing. And you can't say that about everyone here."
"And how're the girls, anyone caught your eye?"
"They're alright," I replied. "Hooked up with a few. Nothing steady yet. How about you, are you seeing anyone?"
My brother came out of the closet only a few months ago. I asked him that question on purpose: I wanted him to know that him hooking up with guys and me hooking up with girls were "on the same level"; that there was no need for him to be ashamed or secretive about it.
Nonetheless, Taylor's tone changed. He mumbled a quick "nah, no one special" before changing the subject. It was killing me that he still felt uncomfortable, and I was determined to make him feel like everything's alright.
"Hey, get this," I said. "One of my suitemates, Eric, he has two gay dads. Isn't that cool?"
"Um, it's alright I guess."
It was then I realized it might be better to drop it and talk about classes instead. Taylor and I chatted about that for a while, before making plans to both go home to Pennsylvania during my fall break.
"I'm really looking forward to seeing you," I said honestly.
"See you then. Little bro," Taylor said, and I could sense him smiling even though the phone.
"Hey Eric. Can I talk to you?" I said, standing in the doorway of Room 140 later that day.
As usual, the door was open. All of us in the suite usually kept the doors open, and came in and out of each other's rooms if we needed something. Even the shower and bathroom doors, people usually didn't bother closing.
Less usual was the fact Eric was wearing clothes for once. I was so used to him literally wearing nothing but underwear that it genuinely felt weird to see him fully dressed. This time I was the one in just underwear, showing more skin than Eric for once.
"I'm off to class soon," Eric said (explaining the outfit), "but I got a few minutes. What's up?"
"Can we talk some other time, then? I'd rather not rush it."
"Sure, man. I'll be back in an hour and a half. I think Jamal's at the library all day, so we can talk here if you want."
"Perfect," I nodded.
"Everything alright?" Eric asked with some concern in his voice.
"Oh yeah yeah, everything's fine. Just wanted to chat," I reassured him.
"C'mere," Eric walked to the door and gave me a strong hug. His soft sweater felt nice and warm against my bare skin, as he ran his arms up and down my back. "See you soon," he said, and gave me a kiss on the cheek before heading out.
Later that afternoon, I was still in my underwear, doing homework on the computer, when Eric walked into the suite.
"How was class?" I asked.
"It was alright," Eric answered loudly from his room. I got up to go see him there, and I was unsurprised to see he had already shed his clothes. They lay abandoned on his bed, as Eric walked around in a tight pair of boxer briefs. He went to the bathroom to take a piss, then rejoined me in his room.
"So what's up?" he said, bouncing on his bed and I sat on the chair next to it.
"I wanted to talk to you about my brother," I said.
"You know how he came out a couple of months ago. And my parents had absolutely nothing bad to say about it, it was all cool."
"Okay," Eric nodded.
"Well, I feel like he's still holding back. Like he's embarrassed about it or something. I just… wish there was something I could do."
"Just… Let him know that everything's alright."
"Well, you could tell him that," Eric said, "but it sounds to me like he just needs time. Don't push it. Let him come around on his own."
"Okay. I'll take your advice," I said after brief contemplation. "It's just difficult not to talk to him about everything. Like, we've been so close our entire lives. When I was little and there was a big storm outside, he was the one I jumped in bed with, not my parents."
"Aww, such a good brother," Eric opened his arms wide, inviting me in for a hug.
I got up off the chair and gave him a hug, which Eric used to pull me down and get me on top of his bed with him. We wrestled playfully for a long while (just like brothers) until we both ran out of breath and passed out on the small bed. Eric opened his computer and played some music while we lay there.
He put his arm around me as we both stared at the ceiling, drenched in our own and each other's sweat. Eric's white underwear was so wet it was almost see-through.
I was so comfortable, I don't even remember when I dozed off.
Eric and I both napped until his roommate Jamal came back into the room and woke us up.
"You guys asleep already?" he asked. "It's so early."
"Nah, we were just taking a nap," Eric said, moving his arm from under me and shaking it to wake it up.
"You missed that event at the library," Jamal said, as I still lay drowsily next to Eric. "There was free food, so it was packed. And because I'm a saint, I brought you some."
Jamal pulled out a styrofoam box full of food and handed it to Eric in bed. The food was still warm.
"You really are a saint," Eric said. "Can you pass me two of those forks over there, please?"
Jamal handed Eric the utensils, grabbed some books, and headed for the door again.
"I've got a study group," he announced. "Not sure if I'll be late, but I'll try not to wake you up."
"You study too much," Eric said, mouth full of food.
"Well, one day I'd like to be able to afford food, not just get it for free," Jamal quipped, one foot out the door.
"I don't see why. This tastes great," Eric continued to chew and talk at the same time.
Jamal left the room, leaving Eric and me alone in bed again. Eric reached for his computer and turned off the music that was still playing quietly.
"A movie?" he asked, and I nodded, my mouth full of food as well.
We spent the next few hours watching movies together in bed. I had a paper I was supposed to be working on, but I still had a few days to do it and this was the perfect excuse for procrastination. Eric brought up a bottle of wine he had stashed in his room, along with some snacks. As the evening got colder, he and I cuddled up to keep warm.
"Oh my god, I'm so lazy, I literally don't wanna walk twenty feet to my room," I said sluggishly after we'd finished the second movie.
"Just sleep here then," Eric pulled up the cover over both of us.
I wasn't used to having red wine. I was so tired and cozy that I fell asleep again without even noticing.
"What time is it?" I mumbled, barely conscious and aware of where I was.
"Midnight," Eric answered, lying next to me with his computer on his stomach, trapping me between his body and the wall. The room was all dark, except the light radiating from Eric's laptop screen. It was enough for me to be able to see that Jamal hadn't returned yet.
"You're not tired?" I asked Eric.
"I'll go to sleep in a minute. Fell down a rabbit hole online."
"Conspiracy theories or porn?" I asked, pulling the cover up to my neck. The room was so chilly now, it made a person not want to get out of bed for anything.
"Ha! Porn, thankfully."
"Go for it," I mumbled.
"If you need to jerk off just go for it," I said. I knew one of the best ways to fall asleep was to rub one out.
"You sure?" I heard Eric ask.
"Mhm," I said, my eyes closed, lying on my left side, facing Eric.
He didn't need more convincing than that. I was half-asleep, but I could make out Eric's hands reach down and take off the underwear he was wearing under the cover.
Even with my eyes closed, it felt like I could see everything. I pictured my friend's fit, naked body lying right next to me in his single bed. I sensed him get rid of his laptop and put it down on the floor.
My fantasy was fueled further by the sounds Eric started to make while stroking his dick. By the sound of it, he was hard already. I wonder how much time he'd spent watching porn as I lay right next to him?
I felt so cozy and content. I was grateful I could lie here, warm and snuggled up, as the weather got colder and colder. I was grateful that I could afford to take a lazy day like today, and not worry about having to be productive. But more than anything, I was grateful for my relationship with Eric.
This felt beautiful. We were so close, closer than brothers. The fact there was no judgment or need to hide. The feeling of safety, together, no mater what. The camaraderie of two people who were strangers just weeks ago, becoming such good friends.
I put my right hand on Eric's chest, feeling his warmth. He was jerking off with his right hand, and I could feel his arm move under my own now. With my hand on his chest, I could feel his heartbeat accelerate, as blood rushed through his body and down to his rigid cock.
Eric continued jerking off, more and more vehemently. I could feel every movement now, as well as hear it, mixed with the sounds of his heavy breathing and moaning.
My hand on his body, he continued stroking faster and faster. His breathing got louder and heavier. He was close, I could tell. I knew that exact feeling! That wonderful moment as you're just about to cum. It felt good to know that Eric and I could experience the same rush.
I started to gently stroke his chest hair in between his pecs with just the tips of my fingers. I wasn't even doing it on purpose, really; it just felt like the right thing to do.
"Fuck," Eric whispered, his muscles bulging, his strokes getting faster and faster.
"Go for it, bro. Shoot your cum," I whispered.
All of a sudden, Eric's entire body started shaking like a fish on dry land.
"Aww fuck! Aww yes!" he moaned, shooting his load under the cover.
"Yeah man, that feels good, don't it? Blow your load," I continued to encourage him and whisper in his ear as he emptied his balls.
Slowly, his shaking started to subside. He breathed loudly, trying to catch his breath, just like after our little wrestling match earlier.
"Fuck, I needed that," Eric said out loud.
"Mmm," I mumbled, my hand still gently stroking his chest.
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